I’ve been thinking a lot lately of how difficult it is for me to write on this website as opposed to my previous one. It is much more difficult as my audience is and will be people I know personally. It was one thing to write my thoughts and feelings to the web without really knowing my audience, but I find it is something entirely different to write knowing that people I come in contact with, even on an intermittent basis, will have possibly read.

It is difficult because I am an extremely private and even secretive person. There are many facets of my personality and many things that occupy my time that I would never deign to share. Not because I necessary distrust those around me, but simply because I trust no one more than I trust myself. And the things that I do are generally for me and me alone. It is the primary reason why I know deep down I will never succeed as a writer — I can’t live with friends and family in particular reading what I have written and gaining insight into what I truly think, believe and have experienced, and it is very true that you cannot write what you have not experienced.

All that aside, I believe this will become easier once I am more actively preparing to leave if only because I can then focus on events rather than feelings and analysis.

I am an INTJ. I think, analyze and theorize constantly. But I rarely write it or publicize it to those I know. It is not because I don’t care. It is not because I don’t trust. It is primarily because I feel uncomfortable letting people inside my head. My head is my most treasured and sanctified space and to let just anyone in is practically mortifying to me.

So please try to understand the possibly long gaps between writing, using this medium in which I already have tendencies from the past when all of you weren’t involved or privy, is difficult for me and leaves me feeling highly vulnerable, which, I’m fairly sure, is not a feeling anyone in particular enjoys.