I found a Russian couple on flickr several months ago. One of them grew up in Ulan Ude, which is on the other side of Lake Baikal from Irkutsk. Last month I met up with them to gather insights about the area and to ease my nerves. Last week, she emailed me to ask how I was doing and I told her I was backing out of Russia and explained a little bit about why. She responded with this Russian proverb: “Don’t ruin a good thing by looking for something even better.”

I’ve been thinking about that line a lot over the past week… and just how often I try to do that. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in how you’re not where you think you want to be, while neglecting to appreciate all that you have set before you.

And it’s not to say that you shouldn’t follow your dreams or aspirations, but that you should temper those with what you have now. If what you have now is good and satisfying, why risk throwing all that away for a mere whisper of a dream? If, on the other hand, what you have now is not satisfying, is not good, then you have nothing to lose and should go after that dream, that hope of something better.

I have come to realize this week, however, just how much I take for granted on a daily basis, no matter how much I tell myself I don’t… no matter how much I tell myself I’m living in the moment. And while I am doing that much better than I was two years ago, there’s still so much to learn.

I am stubborn. I get it set in my head what I want to do and on what timetables and what terms and I focus on it, neglecting all else. That’s not always a bad thing. It’s good for when I really need to get stuff done. It’s bad for when I’m dealing with a life altering decision. Flexibility and constant vigilance of your surroundings and your feelings about the decision must be taken into account, or else you’re increasing the chances of deluding yourself.

And that’s what I did in the case of Russia. I had so convinced myself that was what I wanted, that was what I needed, in fact, that I had inflicted myself with total blindness to all that I love here and all the opportunities I have now.

I’ll be the first to tell you I’ve had dozens of life-plans and ideas for my future and career. In truth, they seem to change quite regularly. But, they’ve always been based on “what ifs” before. My newest inclination… to be a designer (broad term I know) is based on the fact that I already have a huge leg up on getting a good, steady and well-paying job…working where I have for the past year.

I am extremely lucky. I realize that not many people snag an interview with a software company right out of high school, get the internship and then after three months turn that internship into a full-time gig. That was a combination of hard work and pure, straight luck.

It would be foolish to waste this opportunity. They’re willing to keep me on full time until I go to school in the winter, and then allow me to continue working part time, and will likely hire me after graduation.

And the truth is — I would like doing design work. I always have loved it. I just never thought I could actually make anything of it. But now that I can I have to ask myself — why not?