Here’s the thing about being 19: It sucks. At least for me. (Not like being 20 will magically make things better, though.) I feel like I’m on the verge of so many things coming together, but I’m stuck in the waiting. I’m in a career that won’t really officially be “started” until four years from January when I’ll have a degree. I’ve found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, but we have/want to wait until finances come more in order. And, most immediately, I’m trying to find a place to move to.

I suppose I’m latching so firmly on the “get out of the house” thing because it’s the only question I can solidify an answer to soon. I don’t deal well with loose ends. It makes me nervous when things aren’t settled and firm. I get antsy. I freak out like I did tonight.

And the worst is the waiting for finances to come together enough for marriage. What types of goals do we set for this? When do we know when we’re really old enough? When can we just seal the deal already?

For some reason or another, things are different for me than my other friends. Likely because I did not go to college right away (and not of my own volition, either), while my closest friends did. It seems to me that college is a transition in and of itself. You have time there to figure your life out and you’re encouraged to do so. There doesn’t seem to be a huge rush. But for me, after a year working in the corporate world in a job that could very well end up being my career, I’ve found that I just want this phase over. I couldn’t care less about the “typical college experience”… I’m ready to be settled.

In a lot of ways, I view life like a puzzle that has to be pieced together and I get impatient and anxious when things are not coming together as quickly as I would like. But, in the end, I suppose this is why I’m with Randy– he’s been the only one who’s had any real success with calming me down and keeping me grounded in what’s happening now. And that means the world. And that’s why I want him more than anything.