I’ve been thinking a lot lately on attitudes and outlooks. It wasn’t all that long ago that I was easily (and correctly) categorized as a bitter cynic, often pessimistic. These days, however, I am keenly optimistic and enthusiastic about the future and my life. And, oddly enough, I think the catalyst for this change was my parents’ decision not to cosign my loans for college.

If you want to discuss “defining moments,” that was surely one of them. A dream was demolished, I moved out for several months in anger and I moved forward to pursue a full-time position at the company I was interning for. When your dreams and plans fail — that is when your character is truly put to the test.

Out of that disappointment and disenchantment came a new focus on life. It wasn’t instant, it took time, but I now look at life and understand that often, what is meant to happen will happen with or without you. You can choose to be pessimistic about that fact and allow it to get you down when it inevitably occurs, or you can be optimistic and proactive about adjusting to the change.

In the end, I think there are only two views on life — positive and negative. There is no middle ground on this one. “Realists” are often just pessimists who hide behind this supposed “middle ground” to feel better about themselves (I know because I was one). But really, it’s just about how you view the unexpected changes, disappointments and general developments in your life. Do you look at the challenging things in life as a chance to build your character and recognize that you have the power to manipulate the situation to your benefit, or do you look at them and only focus on the fact that your plans, your hopes, your dreams have been destroyed and grumble all along the way as you set yourself on a new path?

Coming out of having my dream for Dickinson destroyed, I could have easily chosen (and it is a choice) to spite my parents, to set my sights firmly on Dickinson and be stubborn. I could have chosen to take out all that debt anyway, but I didn’t. I stepped back, I took a breath, and I assessed the situation. Yes, my college plans were foiled. Yes, I wasn’t going to the school I had dreamed of. Yes, my parents had waited until the last possible minute to say no. Yes, my parents had treated me terribly in the aftermath. But, why did they do it? The debt would have been too great. This I acknowledge completely now. That amount of debt for a simple Bachelor’s degree was not worth it. So instead, I shifted my focus to the positives that stemmed from staying. I was able to continue working for a software company in a position that most high school grads would not have been able to. Randy and I were able to continue our relationship. Keeping up with friends here in Washington was easier. I wasn’t going to be in debt for my education. I could start saving money.

And in the end, not going to Dickinson is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And I came to this conclusion completely by my own choice — by realizing that by sulking and lamenting the loss of a dream, I was not open to other (and possibly better) doors that could have been open to me.

In the tough times you always have a choice. Will you look forward to the better person you will be at the end and focus on the lessons you can learn from those tough times, or will you focus on how terrible your situation is and in so doing, miss out on the lessons that life has to teach you?

You have the choice — which one will you choose?