I try not to think about my age much. Whenever I stop and think about the fact that I’m only 19, well, I guess the only “emotion” I can attribute to it is disappointment. I don’t feel 19, I don’t know how old I feel. Part of the issue is that I’ve always felt at least somewhat older than both other people my age and the “adult” world’s perception of people my age. In my current condition (read: career job, going back to school knowing exactly what I want, being at peace with who I am, seeing marriage in my short-term future), I feel leagues older than what American culture seems to think a 19 year old should be. This cultural perception frustrates me.

For as long as I can remember I have struggled against adults’ perceptions of me based entirely on my age. Maybe this is due to the fact that my parents, with few exceptions, always treated me like an adult. But mostly, I think, this is due to the fact that I think a lot. I always have. Every situation was meant to be broken down and analyzed. I have learned a lot more from other people’s mistakes and triumphs than a lot of other people my age, and I have learned a lot more from my own experiences, for that matter, than a lot of other people my age. A lot of adults failed to recognize that when dealing with me, and I frequently saw them being caught off guard when they first caught glimpses of all that went on beneath my quiet exterior.

Now that I am an adult, independent from my parents and making decisions that will affect the rest of my life, I find myself struggling more and more against the older population (I refuse to distinguish them as “the adults” anymore) and what their expectations and assumptions are. In a lot of ways, I guess, I feel punished or marginalized for the apparent cultural consensus that one isn’t really an adult capable of making rational decisions until roughly twenty five.

I thought a lot about this on the way to work today. Why twenty five? Plenty of other cultures, and even our own just a few generations ago, saw people my age fully capable of making weighty decisions. I cannot deny, however, that today many people my age are incapable of making healthy decisions on a Friday night, let alone with their lives. So what changed? Is it the rising college costs that cause parents to have to foot a much larger bill that essentially allows their children to go through the four years (or more) after high school in training wheels, with a few more responsibilities, but not enough to actually force them to become an adult? Is it yet another symptom of these so-called “helicopter parents” who try so hard and do so much to prevent their children from failing at anything that their children never learn how to handle anything on their own? Or is it simple? Is it just that people over the age of twenty five have gradually stopped having faith in those younger folk and their ability to make sound judgments? And since people most always rise and fall to the expectations laid upon them, the youth have just fallen to what is expected of them: to be irresponsible and incapable of making good decisions?

I don’t know what the answer is. Most of the time, I just do my best to avoid the subject of my age when involved in personal thought or engaged in conversation. And, I think, more than anything, I despise being prejudged based on some label, whether it be an age, a religion or any other arbitrary label. I am not my age. I was not my religion. I am not defined by any over-simplified label you try to apply. Using either of those things to judge who I am or what decisions I am capable of making bothers me. Maybe I just need to work on not letting it get to me. People will also stereotype you based on any tidbit of information they can find. The trick, I suppose, is in ignoring them while simultaneously proving them otherwise.

While I feel older than I am, and even, more of an adult than people and friends my age (and some much older), I don’t deny that I still have much to learn. I know that I don’t know everything. I know that I will still make mistakes. I know that there is still so much more to life than I am aware of now. All I ask is that people don’t automatically assume I have no grasp of the real world, be it the workforce, housing, or even committing to a person for the rest of my life. The important thing, what separates me from many people my age, is that I know beyond doubt who I am. I know that I will change, I know that I will grow, and I welcome that. But for now, I am happy and content with who I am. I find peace in myself. I have faith in myself. And I didn’t need to go to college or on some life adventure to do it. I think, when you know who you are, and you recognize your strengths and weaknesses, it makes it much easier to make the right decisions, even on matters that directly impact the rest of your life. Knowing who you are is half the battle.