I make a lot of jokes at our culture’s expense. But the simple fact is that I am a complete product of this society I torture so much. This is why I often make comments like, “Why did I eat everything on that plate?! Oh yeah, because I’m an American!” In every joke is a shred of sad truth. Whatever. I’m proud of my slobby, loud and obnoxious American ways.
Growing up, I have always felt more masculine than feminine, and numerous personality tests I have taken over the years have showed me skewing more toward testosterone tendencies than estrogen (but whether that’s a reflection of my personal perception of myself or reality is another question entirely). I cannot recall ever being distraught by this. However, finding my role in society and, in my relationship with Randy, has taken more time and been more difficult. And as my priorities and goals shift more toward building my own successful family, I find these questions to find their way more to the forefront than before.
Read more of this article.I try not to think about my age much. Whenever I stop and think about the fact that I’m only 19, well, I guess the only “emotion” I can attribute to it is disappointment. I don’t feel 19, I don’t know how old I feel. Part of the issue is that I’ve always felt at least somewhat older than both other people my age and the “adult” world’s perception of people my age. In my current condition (read: career job, going back to school knowing exactly what I want, being at peace with who I am, seeing marriage in my short-term future), I feel leagues older than what American culture seems to think a 19 year old should be. This cultural perception frustrates me.
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