Don’t you ever try to live a lie
When you know yourselves, then you will be known, and you will understand that you are children of the living Father. But if you do not know yourselves, then you live in poverty, and you are the poverty.
— The Gospel of Thomas, saying 3
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I won’t go my whole life, telling you I don’t need
I had an emotional breakdown tonight, which is highly ironic considering my last post. But, like all of my emotional breakdowns, it seemed to be pushed along by a little hormone called estrogen. And, also like all of my emotional breakdowns, a result of something rather important that I have chosen to ignore. Last time, it was how much more important Randy was to me than Russia, and this time it was just how much people stress me out and completely exhaust me.
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With every broken heart we should become more adventurous
I’ve been thinking a lot lately on attitudes and outlooks. It wasn’t all that long ago that I was easily (and correctly) categorized as a bitter cynic, often pessimistic. These days, however, I am keenly optimistic and enthusiastic about the future and my life. And, oddly enough, I think the catalyst for this change was my parents’ decision not to cosign my loans for college.
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I’m gonna stay here till I soothe my soul
I found a Russian couple on flickr several months ago. One of them grew up in Ulan Ude, which is on the other side of Lake Baikal from Irkutsk. Last month I met up with them to gather insights about the area and to ease my nerves. Last week, she emailed me to ask how I was doing and I told her I was backing out of Russia and explained a little bit about why. She responded with this Russian proverb: “Don’t ruin a good thing by looking for something even better.”
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Living is a gamble baby, loving’s much the same
We all have to come to a point where we have to be honest with ourselves. Someday or another, we have to throw away the ideals we’ve built up over the years of how our lives should be and how they shouldn’t and accept our lives for how they are.
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