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Here’s the thing about being 19: It sucks. At least for me. (Not like being 20 will magically make things better, though.) I feel like I’m on the verge of so many things coming together, but I’m stuck in the waiting. I’m in a career that won’t really officially be “started” until four years from January when I’ll have a degree. I’ve found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, but we have/want to wait until finances come more in order. And, most immediately, I’m trying to find a place to move to.

I found a Russian couple on flickr several months ago. One of them grew up in Ulan Ude, which is on the other side of Lake Baikal from Irkutsk. Last month I met up with them to gather insights about the area and to ease my nerves. Last week, she emailed me to ask how I was doing and I told her I was backing out of Russia and explained a little bit about why. She responded with this Russian proverb: “Don’t ruin a good thing by looking for something even better.”

We all have to come to a point where we have to be honest with ourselves. Someday or another, we have to throw away the ideals we’ve built up over the years of how our lives should be and how they shouldn’t and accept our lives for how they are.