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On Friday, one of my best friends said we needed a group picture because it might be our last. I shook my head and told her not to say that. But you know what? She might be right. We’re growing up and going our separate ways. While I know we’ll always care about each other and always be around to listen when necessary and laugh at something no one else will get, our times of constant togetherness are coming to a close.

I found a Russian couple on flickr several months ago. One of them grew up in Ulan Ude, which is on the other side of Lake Baikal from Irkutsk. Last month I met up with them to gather insights about the area and to ease my nerves. Last week, she emailed me to ask how I was doing and I told her I was backing out of Russia and explained a little bit about why. She responded with this Russian proverb: “Don’t ruin a good thing by looking for something even better.”

Over the last several months I’ve been having a recurring dream. I used to have these types of things frequently, though when I was younger such “dream series” were often fantastical in nature; the stuff of a good story. This dream though, is my first that really means something and is indicative of supressed guilt.

On January 16, we had to put down Cassie, our beloved ten year old standard poodle who had been diagnosed with lymphoma exactly a year prior. We did everything we could, including chemo. And she had even gone into recession and was just a few weeks shy of hitting the “magic 7 months” after which most dogs rarely went out of remission.