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I had an emotional breakdown tonight, which is highly ironic considering my last post. But, like all of my emotional breakdowns, it seemed to be pushed along by a little hormone called estrogen. And, also like all of my emotional breakdowns, a result of something rather important that I have chosen to ignore. Last time, it was how much more important Randy was to me than Russia, and this time it was just how much people stress me out and completely exhaust me.

Do you feel what you think, or think what you feel?
Lately, I’ve been doing my best to be more accurate in terms of when I say “I think” and “I feel.” In reading books like Please Understand Me, I’ve been able to recognize that I often mix up the two. There is a very big difference between what you think and what you feel. However, for someone like me who shows a strong preference for logic over emotion, the two can become indistinguishable — it can be difficult for me to know when I’m actually feeling, and moreover, allow myself to feel when necessary. On the flip side, for someone who shows a strong preference for emotion over logic, it can be difficult for them to distinguish between when they’re actually thinking, or using false logic as a guise for what they feel.

Discussing my friendships online is difficult for me, let alone my relationship. I generally feel that these are sacred and extremely private, especially considering no one else understands them aside from those in them with me. But I would be remiss to leave Randy out of this.