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peace

I try not to think about my age much. Whenever I stop and think about the fact that I’m only 19, well, I guess the only “emotion” I can attribute to it is disappointment. I don’t feel 19, I don’t know how old I feel. Part of the issue is that I’ve always felt at least somewhat older than both other people my age and the “adult” world’s perception of people my age. In my current condition (read: career job, going back to school knowing exactly what I want, being at peace with who I am, seeing marriage in my short-term future), I feel leagues older than what American culture seems to think a 19 year old should be. This cultural perception frustrates me.

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The future’s not ours to see

April 29, 2008 in Personal, Recommended · One comment

Over the last few months I’ve really felt myself begin to understand the meaning of faith. It comes down to believing that what you are doing and who you are becoming is what and who you are meant to be. It is being able to find peace in your decisions and comfort in the unknown. For someone so used to planning every detail of my life, lessons in faith have been hard to learn and have never come easily.

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For every single breath that I take

April 22, 2008 in Personal · No comments

I think I will always wonder what could have been with Dickinson. Really and truly, I think I could have found great friends there and am truly sad I will never have the chance to find out “what could have been” at Dickinson. It really is a great school and I would have loved to go.

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I’m Alive.

April 8, 2008 in Personal · One comment

I woke up this morning imagining my life in three short months — in flux. In three months, I will be preparing to leave for Irkutsk, Russia. I will be packing up my life in a couple of suitcases and saying farewell to my best friends, my love and my family. And as I imagined, I realized that I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t worried, I wasn’t much of anything. It’s such a stark contrast from last year when I thought I was going to Dickinson, I felt that my whole life was changing and I felt unready. But this year, this time, this feels right — it feels like what must happen.

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