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people

I try not to think about my age much. Whenever I stop and think about the fact that I’m only 19, well, I guess the only “emotion” I can attribute to it is disappointment. I don’t feel 19, I don’t know how old I feel. Part of the issue is that I’ve always felt at least somewhat older than both other people my age and the “adult” world’s perception of people my age. In my current condition (read: career job, going back to school knowing exactly what I want, being at peace with who I am, seeing marriage in my short-term future), I feel leagues older than what American culture seems to think a 19 year old should be. This cultural perception frustrates me.

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I won’t go my whole life, telling you I don’t need

August 14, 2008 in Personal, Recommended · No comments

I had an emotional breakdown tonight, which is highly ironic considering my last post. But, like all of my emotional breakdowns, it seemed to be pushed along by a little hormone called estrogen. And, also like all of my emotional breakdowns, a result of something rather important that I have chosen to ignore. Last time, it was how much more important Randy was to me than Russia, and this time it was just how much people stress me out and completely exhaust me.

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So this is the difference between living and not living

August 9, 2008 in Personal · No comments

The law of self-destruction and the law of self-preservation are equally strong in mankind!
— Fyodor Dostoevsky; The Idiot, page 375

I stumbled across that quote a year ago. It instantly became one of my favorite quotes mostly because it was such a wonderful parallel, and with the story, it made perfect sense. But I’m finding more and more that the sentiment applies in multiple arenas, and quite frequently at that.

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When I feel this pressure

July 29, 2008 in Personal · No comments

Every so often I joke about how I missed my calling in life to be a psychologist/therapist. I love to analyze people. I love psychology. I love trying to figure out why people are the way they are. But today I was reminded of why such a field is not even remotely my calling: I lack patience for people. As much as I might love taking pictures of them more than any other subject, for the most part, I find people to be extremely infuriating.

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A Photographic Affair

July 28, 2008 in Art, Media & Design, Photography · One comment

After a week of camp and using my camera extensively and often, I have finally been formally bitten by the photography bug. I adore taking pictures of people. For a while in high school, I was smitten by landscape and nature, and while I still try to take pictures of that, I feel there is so much more to capture and so much more challenge in portraiture photography. You have to try to catch the best and most interesting moments that show a relationship, you have to get close, but not so close that they clam up and it’s just another smiling face. There’s emotion. There’s a story. There’s all the complexity of the human tapestry that you are challenged to capture in an instant.

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